nothing

 

there is nothing here tonight.  I had something earlier, a feeling or some words; an image or two to share, but now there is nothing.

I hope tomorrow is better.  I’m not quite sure why I’m posting this.  Something is better than nothing, I guess.  Maybe if I keep typing something of substance will come of this.  Or maybe I’ll just go to sleep.

That sounds like a more realistic option.  Saturday is what I’m aiming for this week.  My new iPhone will be here Saturday.  Sometime between then I will start this story that has been churning in my being since 2006. 

The one I had started to tell factually, earlier in this blog, but stopped because I didn’t wan to be borne back into the past.  Of course, when night comes and I’m lying awake staring up at my ceiling, and those images and voices that spawn from the swirling darkness, left to be created by an overactive imagination and a sense of deep longing and regret, I can’t help but be brought back there.

I don’t miss him or any of it.  I just miss what it all meant.  that’s what this story is going to be about.  Not about me or him or anything that happened.  Just the feeling.  The idea.  The power of a simple thing that can, though space and time, still reach out and scratch you from time to time.

maybe once it has been put out there I can finally…..

go to sleep.